What To Expect In Couples Therapy: Key Insights
Dec 20, 2024
Key Takeaways
- In couples therapy, you can expect open discussions, guided exercises, and actionable strategies to improve your relationship.
- The couples therapy process is usually broken into two stages: the initial consultation and the sessions that follow it.
- The initial session in couples therapy serves as an introduction and a space for setting expectations.
- Some of the most common approaches to couples therapy include psychodynamic therapy, systems theory, behavioral therapy, and emotionally focused therapy (EFT).
- Around 1 in 3 cohabiting US adults in couples therapy say they began discussing couples therapy within the first 3 years of the relationship, and 35% actually started couples therapy before even moving in together.
- 99% of people in couples therapy report a positive impact on their relationship, with 76% describing the impact as high or very high.
We grow up watching fairy tales where the story ends as soon as the prince and princess come together, leaving us with the comforting notion that they lived happily ever after. It's as if the only challenge couples face is deciding to commit to one another, and after that, it's all smooth sailing. Of course, reality paints a different picture.
Seeking professional help can be an incredibly effective way to strengthen a relationship, but many people hesitate, often unsure about what to expect in couples therapy. Understanding how therapy works, the benefits it offers, and how it can help a relationship thrive can make all the difference in taking that important first step.
What Is Couples Therapy?
Couples therapy is a type of therapy that specifically focuses on helping partners improve their relationship. Contrary to popular belief, this isn't a last resort for relationships on the brink of failure. Actually, couples therapy can be valuable at any stage, regardless of whether you're facing a serious crisis or simply want to strengthen your bond.
While many people equate couples therapy with marriage counseling—marriage counseling is actually just one type of couples therapy among many. Several types of couples therapy are widely practiced, with some of being marriage counseling, emotionally-focused therapy, and sex therapy.
The importance of counseling lies in providing all couples with a safe, structured environment where they can address and work through any issues they have, together. This kind of therapy is, in large part, designed to help couples recognize and address destructive patterns, develop empathy for each other's perspectives, and learn how to communicate better with one another.
The Couples Therapy Process
For anyone considering this sort of therapy, the whole process becomes less intimidating and more of an opportunity for growth when they know what to expect in couples therapy sessions.
Of course, it can be different depending on the couple and therapist, but usually, the process is broken into two stages: the initial consultation and the sessions that follow it.
Initial consultation
The initial session in couples therapy serves as an introduction and a space for setting expectations. This first meeting allows the therapist to understand the couple and the specific issues they want to address. They may ask questions about the history of the relationship, any recurring conflicts, communication styles, and each partner's goals for therapy.
For example, let's imagine a couple struggling with frequent arguments over financial management. During the initial session, the therapist might explore how each partner views money, their respective financial priorities, and how these views might be fueling the conflict. This insight will then shape the therapeutic approach moving forward. So, basically, this first consultation helps the therapist assess the relationship and customize therapy to the couple's needs, setting a strong foundation for progress in future sessions.
Ongoing sessions
After the initial consultation, couples begin a series of ongoing sessions where they work on addressing their challenges more deeply. These sessions can involve exploring unresolved conflicts, unpacking patterns of behavior that contribute to misunderstandings, and, most importantly, practicing effective communication skills.
Throughout these sessions, the therapist often guides couples in developing trust, empathy, and patience, which are crucial for a healthy partnership. For example, if a couple consistently disagrees about spending time with extended family, the therapist may guide them to communicate their individual needs and compromise, finding a balanced approach that respects both partners.
At this stage, couples may also be assigned "homework" between sessions, such as noting moments when they felt supported or misunderstood by their partner, which helps them bring real-life examples into the therapy.
Different Approaches to Couples Therapy
Each couple is different. Even when facing similar issues, they bring different experiences, personalities, and perspectives to therapy. For example, two couples might struggle with communication, yet one may find it hard to express emotions due to past relationship traumas, while the other may simply have different communication styles shaped by family backgrounds.
Because of these differences, therapists need to be adaptable and utilize a range of approaches in order to meet each couple's—and even each partner's—specific needs. Some of the most common ones include:
Psychodynamic therapy approach
This approach focuses on how past experiences and unconscious emotions influence the relationship today. Often, unresolved issues from childhood or past relationships resurface in present relationships.
For instance, a person who felt neglected as a child might unconsciously seek constant validation from their partner. In therapy, both partners have the chance to explore these underlying issues in order to understand and break free from past patterns that harm their relationship.
Systems theory approach
Systems theory examines the relationship as a system. It views interactions between partners as interdependent patterns rather than isolated events.
For example, a couple might have a recurring cycle in which one partner withdraws emotionally when stressed while the other reacts by becoming overly critical. By understanding this system, they can learn to respond differently, breaking the cycle and developing healthier interactions.
Behavioral therapy approach
Behavioral approaches focus on changing specific actions and encouraging positive behavior. With this approach, couples work on modifying actions that trigger conflicts, such as addressing disagreements through clear, respectful communication rather than avoidance or aggression.
Techniques like reciprocity negotiation are common, where partners identify behaviors they would like to see in each other and commit to making reciprocal changes.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) approach
Emotionally focused therapy, or EFT, is an approach that centers on strengthening the emotional bond between partners. Couples are encouraged to recognize their emotions and needs, and they work to create a secure, supportive bond.
EFT helps couples feel more emotionally "safe" with each other, thus helping them develop deeper intimacy.
When To Seek Couples Therapy
As previously stated, instead of viewing couples therapy as a final measure to salvage a relationship, you should think of it as an opportunity to strengthen your partnership at any stage.
Data shows that around in couples therapy say they began discussing couples therapy within the first 3 years of the relationship, and 35% actually started couples therapy before even moving in together. However, counseling is a luxury for many.
There are, however, some common signs that couples therapy is not a luxury for you anymore but a direct necessity. These signs include:
- Ongoing arguments about recurring issues, such as finances, parenting styles, or household responsibilities.
- Either partner feels unsupported or emotionally distant.
- Major life changes (like becoming parents, relocating, or starting a new job) disrupt your relationship dynamics.
- Working on forgiveness, accountability, and creating a more secure foundation after infidelity or betrayal.
- Physical or emotional intimacy has decreased or feels lacking.
- Conversations often lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, or defensiveness.
- Feeling more like roommates than romantic partners.
- Difficulty resolving even minor disagreements without escalating into conflict.
- One or both partners avoid difficult topics to prevent arguments.
- Increased stress or anxiety affects the relationship, whether from personal or shared sources.
Benefits Of Couples Therapy
Among respondents from the, 99% of people in couples therapy report a positive impact on their relationship, with 76% describing the impact as high or very high.
The high percentage is not at all surprising when considering the numerous benefits of couples therapy, including improved communication, enhanced emotional and physical intimacy, and many more, as shown below.
- Improving communication between partners
- Strengthening trust and accountability
- Enhancing emotional and physical intimacy
- Offering tools for effective conflict resolution
- Supporting couples through major life changes
- Addressing mental health issues that affect relationships
- Providing strategies for managing chronic health conditions together
- Equipping couples with skills for future relationship challenges
Common Concerns About Couples Therapy
Some couples hesitate to try therapy due to misconceptions that can create unrealistic couples therapy expectations.
For instance, a very common concern is the belief that the therapist will act as a "judge" and decide which partner is right or wrong in a disagreement. In reality, therapists focus on helping the couple develop mutual understanding and helping each one see the other's perspective, not on assigning blame.
Another worry is that therapy may bring up personal or past issues that partners aren't ready to discuss. However, therapists are trained to move at a comfortable pace and create a safe, non-judgmental environment where both partners feel respected and supported as they open up about sensitive topics.
On the other hand, some are too worried about what others might think when, in fact, seeking couples therapy is a proactive step towards strengthening your relationship, not a sign of weakness.
Confidentiality is another common concern. However, therapists have strict confidentiality rules, protecting your privacy.
Tips For Preparing For Couples Therapy
Deciding to seek the help of a professional for couples therapy is the most important step, so there's no need to stress about preparation. However, if you'd like to feel more ready, here are a few tips to help you approach therapy with confidence:
- Reflect on personal and relationship goals you want to achieve through therapy.
- Be open to honest self-reflection, considering areas you may want to improve.
- Practice active listening to understand your partner's perspective without judgment.
- Set realistic expectations for gradual progress rather than overnight solutions.
- Think about specific issues or examples you'd like to discuss.
- Commit to a teamwork mindset, focusing on working together rather than blaming.
- Stay patient and open-minded, allowing the therapy process to unfold at its own pace.
The Bottom Line
For those considering therapy to improve their own relationship or simply curious about its benefits, the value this kind of therapy brings to people is undeniable.
And then, for those who feel inspired to be on the other side of the conversation:
If you've ever imagined helping others create healthier, happier relationships, pursuing a career in therapy might be your calling. Programs like º«¹úAV's will equip you with the skills and knowledge to help couples and families in need. So, join us and help people find solutions and, in the process, also truly find each other.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How long does couples therapy last?
It varies by couple and their specific challenges, but most stick with therapy for some time. In fact, 36% of those in therapy have been there for over a year, 61% plan to continue for up to another year, and 67% attend sessions 2-4 times per month.
Does couples therapy work for every relationship?
While not every relationship benefits in the same way, couples therapy can be highly effective if both partners are committed to growth and open communication.
How does couples therapy differ from couples counseling?
Couples therapy typically explores everything in more depth, including underlying issues and emotional dynamics, whereas couples counseling tends to focus on improving communication and addressing only current issues.
How much does couples therapy cost?
Costs vary, but data shows that most couples spend on therapy. With 94% saying it's worth the investment and 83% prioritizing it, many couples see it as essential for their relationship.